i am exhausted and cold and stressed and behind and hurt and lonely and feeling sick to the stomach. i want to cry but i can't i want something so clenchingly badly but i don't know what. i haven't eaten all day and when i tried to i couldn't. i think i have a fever and want to cry again and something's very hollow in me and i tried to call von then i remembered he's left on holiday and i hope he sees this and calls me.