since i came to cambridge i have become socially awkward and painfully inept at social behaviour in a group of three or more people and sometimes even with just one. i was shy with strangers at uva but i never was awkward and speechless, which i am now, all the time. i don't know what to do. last night i ran away from the english department reception because there were way too many people in the room and it was far too noisy and everyone seemed so absorbed in something other than the first years it quite got to me the sense of intense isolation in a room crushing with people and i left to have a good cry. i wonder what's happening to me.