i have escaped briefly from orientation to come home to get a drink of tea and do my laundry, but will probably go back at 5 for the other orientation events. i blog nearly only about the happy things, but in truth i alternate between feeling happy about *living* here in cambridge and feeling alone and frightened that i am here at all. i think most of my happiness has to do with the pleasures of the city and of discovering new places and being in holiday mood. there's a part of me that wants to tell myself that it's going to be tougher than anything i imagined, but because i can't yet imagine it i don't believe it will happen. just like somewhere deep down i don't really believe in the new england winters i am warned about. huh. cold and hardwork. neither of which i'm good at.

and what gets me is that since i've got here i haven't been able to read. oh i found a sayers i hadn't read before and the last cresswell that completes my bagthorpe adventures, but otherwise i simply haven't been able to sit down to read all the books i'd got in my room. it isn't natural. i have no classes yet and i'm enjoying cambridge and i have all the time to laze indoors, but i am always too tired or restless to read. this really, really sucks.