Clement Freud on 7 this week:

I think the best piece of advice ever given to me was when I went into my local public house and saw a notice which said "food, drink and a kindly word, special deal, 3 pounds 99." I availed myself of this and got a glass of red wine and some meat pie and waited. And the barman said "why are you waiting?" And I said "I’m waiting for the kindly word." And he said "don’t eat the meat pie!"

The Channel Tunnel is incredibly popular. And at Dover there are two queues, one marked "Cross-Channel passengers", the other marked "very cross Channel passengers!"