so i stuff my backpack full of books and lug it all to central square. they were due three weeks ago. fortunately the library was barely a block from the t-stop. i put them through the book drop smugly, knowing the fine on them won't come through for a few hours yet, and go upstairs and rob the children's section clean of books. two nina bawdens i hadn't read before, some favourite l'engles, diana wynne jones's a tale of time city (because i'd been thinking of butter pies all week) a konigsburg collection of stories, david almond's skellig (i've heard good things about it) an aiken, a cooper, and a babbitt. i go to the counter.

- i can't let you check these out, says the librarian.
- why not? i say, surprised.
- you have a fine of $3.45.
- what? can't i pay when the fine reaches a larger amount or something?
- nope. if you have a fine of $3 or more, you cannot check a book out. in fact, she peers at the screen, did you just return some books? you'll have another fine on those coming in in a while.

don't most libraries wait till the fine is larger than that? nlb lets you go up to $15, and uva library lets you graduate without a blemish on your character if your outstanding fines do not exceed $10. three dollars seemed to me niggardly of the library. the librarian took pity on my distress.

- you don't have to pay it all now, she suggests. all you need is to pay 50cents of it and i can let you check them out.

good idea that, except i didn't have a cent on me. i felt the bottom of my bag for a stray coin. i looked in the pockets. i even looked in my pencilbox. but there wasn't a penny to be found.

- uh. i have a credit card?
- no.
- right.
- i'll hold these for you, shall i.

i stalk off. if only it had been a bank of america card i was carrying. then i could have gone for the nearest atm and came back. however, it was my uob card i was carrying. so i trudge out of the library, much downcast. i went into the t-stop and felt in my pocket for my return token. lightbulb. was that not my 50cents? all i had to do was to give the token to someone who wanted to get on the train, taking their $1.25 in return, then i could go back to the library and take all my books out! i'd have to walk home, of course, but at least i wouldn't have to come back another day, and half an hour wasn't so intolerable. it was at least a warm day.

- no
- no
- what? no
- i'll get it from the counter
- i'm getting more than one
- i only have a twenty
- no
- no
- *cold look*
- sorry.
- no

it was a dreadful experience. everyone was extra rude and acted like i was trying to scam them, or that it was some form of pan-handling, or that i was doing something really unsavoury. i was feeling not only thwarted in my purpose but very much humiliated by all the looks i was given. also, the books seem more and more unlikely. by the time i did get my $1.25 it wouldn't be enough to pay off the second fine. briefly i considered going back and offering my token to the librarian, but everyone knows librarians are not to be trifled with. giving up, i dropped the token in the turnstile and came home, feeling much aggrieved.