it used to be, you know, that at this time of year i'd be in a very good mood. i'd have just come back to charlottesville after three lovely weeks at home, i'd have a splendid semester behind me and the satisfaction of going down to the department and getting a few well-received papers back, and be looking forward to another exciting term ahead. my suitcase would be full of new books and gifts for friends, and i'd look forward to paying "i'm back!" visits to all the teachers i was close to. i wouldn't have much work in the first week of school so i'd be sleeping off the jetlag and enjoying children's books and having long lunches with friends. and the singaporeans would do a birthday dinner every year and in those days when eveyone else was living in the us too there would be phonecalls and emails and visits and flowers and dinner parties. for the last two years, january means being mentally blocked and frustrated and struggling with papers and being depressed about being cold and away from home and feeling exhausted and generally spending my birthday taking exams or like last year, being caught in a blizzard trying to get home.