what i would like, for the rest of the holidays, is peace from relatives and emptier streets. i don't like being home at this time, between christmas and new year and before the jaws of school have gaped for their prey yet. the streets are too crowded for going out, and the weather's too humid for writing sustained entries. i can't say i haven't relished my food but i would like to have some restful time at home to read and sleep. if yt were here, we could go driving and have supper at weird hours, but yt isn't home. if addy were here we could have a party at her place, but she's visiting joel. if von were here i would drag him to look for cheap food places, but he's in boston writing his 25 page paper. if choonping were free i could teach him greek, but he's always in camp. if minyin were here we could go to east coast for a picnic, but she's moving into her new apartment in melbourne. if zak were here we could go prowl bedok town centre and make rude jokes about each other, but zak's scooting around europe. if yen were here, we'll read children's books in borders, but she's going to mexico. if poach were here we'll go to the new esplanade library, but she's in vancouver. (i miss poach already, even though i just saw her a month ago) if su-lin were freer we might bake cheesecakes, but she's buried in thesis writing as well i should be. if i were staying longer i would go for ballet classes, but i'm not.

this is the optative mood.