something outside of me must save me from myself.

or is it something inside of me that must seize hold and shake me and make me myself again?

i wish it were the former - because i am tired - i want - have wanted - to relinquish responsibility and let someone else take charge, take care of me.

to believe in something outside of yourself - how easy - and how good it would to be able to believe - because you yourself aren't dependable enough to be good to yourself.