compare the mails from before thesis week. i thought i would be happy at this time, and calmly getting on with the exams which are hardly going to be a problem. and here i am deathly miserable. and frightened. i can't emphasise that enough. that i feel *fear* and it's a totally new feeling. exams, come on. us? we've been taking exams all our lives and breezing it too. even the most difficult ones we've survived, and why not this time? and - the answer is - because in the past, i wanted to go on. because this time, i had been slowly dismantling my life.