one of my new hostees tells me that she's coming to school alone, from new jersey, and that she's nervous. i remember how i felt coming to school. i was by myself too, and i wasn't teary (that came later) or too afraid at all, but i felt a great uncertainty. i would probably figure out what to do as i go along, i thought, but i haven't the faintest idea how to do it now. i had to keep on telling myself that it was an adventure and to be brave about things. (see i have been brought up on british children's books.) every single flight i'd taken up to that point of my life has been the get-in-at-changi-get-out-at-destination sort of flight. nowadays i pass as a seasoned traveller with my wits about me, but back then i hadn't the faintest idea how to get myself onto a connecting flight. my worries included: how to get your luggage onto a domestic flight. i had nasty images of trying to haul my luggage on foot to the next terminal, probably falling down some stairs, breaking a handle or a wheel on the suitcases, or getting a bag stolen, and this one: you have two enormous and crushingly heavy bags, the counter is not yet open for check in, and you desperately need to use the bathroom. i've never had to, so never imagined that you could recheck your luggage right after you take it out. so after i'd gone through that with great relief and joy, and found a shuttle in the right direction, i discovered my connecting flight was cancelled. at that point, i had to go off to find a bathroom. i shut the door, sat on the lid, hugged my backpack to me, and cried for 5mins. i don't know what for, but it was necessary. i think at that point i felt self-pity and irritation and maybe a little like an orphan. i'm parentless and alone in a foreign country, and things won't even go right! also some anger directed at america too - stupid americans who can't run their airlines properly! this would never happen at changi airport! i think what all that really was was confusion and fear: cancelled? what does that mean? when's the next flight? what if there is no room on it? how can i contact whoever's meeting me in cville, esp when i have neither phonecard nor cellphone? after that i got out and went to talk to the chap at the us air counter who said: "there's a flight leaving in 10mins, if you go now you can just make it." i ran for it. it was 3am in the morning singapore time when that plane let me off in pittsburgh. i waited and waited for my flight while it rained. 3 years later, returning from boston, i was stuck overnight in pittsburgh. the next day, waiting in the same departure lounge, i was thrown back to my first trip. the plane is the same tiny one. then it was the first time i'd been in a plane that small. for that matter, in 19 years i had never been in anything smaller than some kind of boeing. poach said that when she got on her first small plane the stewardess said "once you've taken one of these, you will never like a big plane again" hah! after all this time i've never liked them never wil. not unless gabriel angel is there, anyway.

>i have never once had a smooth journey back to school, not in 3 years. in fact i've never had a smooth flight going anywhere at all in the us. not even if i'm just going up to boston to kacheow von, no. lost luggage, multiple delayed and cancelled flights, bad weather, even once (last fall break) being on a plane, already on the runway but then summoned back to the gate and the guy sitting in front of me (he had a middle eastern passport) being hauled off by security people. my last trip back to school was simply hideous. i'd landed in ny, and they wouldn't let me recheck my luggage for some reason. i huffed as americanly as i knew how, but nope, i had to haul my luggage. right, that was also when i had those 18kg of books. after they smugly charged me for overweight baggage, they tell us our flight was full, sorry but why don't you go to laguardia instead. so we make it to laguardia in good time, only the very moment i step in, i see that this flight they'd shoved us on has been cancelled too. so i wrestle to the front and then we get put on the next available flight, which was five hours later. it got us into dulles with another 2 hour wait. fortunately we noticed that there was another cville flight eaving in 15 mins. we ran for it and begged to be put on. a nailbiting 5minutes till they finally said, yes. we got in at 11pm, i was too tired to be upset. if i went to columbia this would never happen, but here i am in a city without an international airport. *shudder*

all this whinging and whining about flights and hostees is probably just me not wanting to come back. i mean, every summer i decide i don't want to come back and i do, and survive, but oh darn it i don't want to come back. things are going to be AWFUL. i'll be happy to redecorate my room and what with the thesis and the scholarship and the mentoring program and applying to grad schools next year will be english year, and that's a good thing. there will be nice weather and already joel, yeen teck, addy, and minyin are slated to visit in sept, oct and nov. and poach and i are going to new orleans, and even von might come down in may. this looks like the best year ever and i'm bringing my new sexy laptop back so why don't i want to go back? no river, that's why. and no stingray.