if you had a bed full of books and assorted junk, how do you make your bed? taking everything off is the sensible thing to do, but it's not for people like me. nope. worried about mixing up my messy piles (they're messy, but messy in the way i want it to be messy) i move my thingsone pile at a time, pulling out the sheets out a bit at a time and stuffing clean sheets in, and then moving more piles over the made spot. that way, i managed to put sheets over a bag of marshmallows, a thin pack of postcards cindy gave me, a chrysanthemum handkerchief, and discman earphones, and then flopping down on them. i have marshmallows because i got a package from home. assorted tidbits but also multiple kinds of soup bases and sauces and dried fishcakes and instructions on making chawan mushi (incredibly easy! and i never knew this!) she also offered to send me the yingxiong vcd but i thought i distracted myself well enough. right now, i'm trying my best to straighten up my room for cheemun who's called to say he is coming tonight and watching the lord of the rings again while talking to yen on icq about monarchies and democracies. do you think i'll ever be sensible? i'm sort of losing the ability to do things right or well. i'm just immensely tired of everything all the time. i wish i had a year alone, away from school, to regroup emotionally. on the other hand, if i had left last year, i wouldn't have been able to write with nohrnberg because he's on leave next year. there is no help. i need a brain. a real one. and lots of courage.