today i had a strickened moment when i realised that i can't remember very much that happened when i was five, and would that mean that the kids wouldn't remember my uncle when they're grown up? not that they would forget his existence - but do they even now have memories - have put away enough of them - to last the lifetime? someone has to do the remembering for them - it's a little like the job of the crone - one person must learn to be the story teller, and i think it has to be me, because no one else is at the right age for the role: they are either too old or too young, whereas i am not only old enough to remember but young enough to live to pass it on. and also because, more than the other members of the family, i can write, and it's up to me to write it down for the children.