minyin said something the other day, about how, sometimes, we wish we could start again from nothing. not, she explains, in the sense of being born again, or having our memories wiped, but being able to rid ourselves of all our belongings, and to rebuild our lives, acquiring things anew, according to our tastes and lifestyles now. would we be surer what we wished to have, or where we wished to go?

maybe we all - in singapore especially - well i do anyway - feel this sense of the past sitting on you in the form of childhood acquisitions - like your childhood bedrooms with the embarrassing bedsheets and teenage posters and school uniforms folded in a bag. (i think my change of wall posters and pictures has to do with needing to start anew, as much as it has to do with bridging the gap between being in school and at home.) i'm pretty ruthless about throwing away things, except for books and letters, and even then my room seems to be filled with things i don't want. being at school was a change - you got to start afresh with four bare walls and have exactly what you want, now. if i were going to be home forever, then i might move the furniture around and paint the room some other colour and get new things - to reflect my new, and grownup presence in the house - but i'm going off in another year's time and it will be back to being a tourist at home, what is the bloody use of massive upheaval now?