i feel old in orchard. i glare at teenagers in far east plaza or canoodling in the train and think to myself, wait a minute, when did i start using the word "teenagers" derisively? (oh boy, far east plaza gives me the jitters - teenagers) i smile my best benign-old-woman smile at a hwachong girl selling flags outside taka today, and i give her two dollars and say, keep up the good work, and i just managed to stop myself from saying, i remember doing this myself when i was in school. people ask me for directions and i start to feel less comfortable in orchard mrt because it's a place for young people (young people! i'm supposed to be young people!) and we are getting old. when was the last time you got waylaid by so many insurance agents, financial advisors, and sales people urging you to take out insurance policies, start savings accounts, and to buy enhancing herbal tonic for your eyes/bones/liver. if you are wearing a school uniform or look like you're 16, you're immune to salestalks, but i get stopped by three prudential agents in two days. (help, they think i'm an adult) i let the first one sit me down to talk and draw up my lifetime savings plan but today i stood still and politely explain to a prudential woman that i've already been stopped three times this weekend, i have already been sat down and given a quotation and various namecards, and the ultimate trump card: sorry, i'm a student, and besides, i'm based in the states. those two pieces of information get you off almost all the time, and although neither is true, i don't feel i'm entirely fabricating my situation. i was, and will be again. i'm just a little displaced in time. erm. a slight twang of unease, and irritation. (occupation: other) irritated at being put in a place where my best option is to make up something which i am not, and worse, want to be.

i am incapable of telling salespeople and telemarketeers to go away. i listen politely and i nod and i smile and i say yes that's very interesting and that's very attractive indeed and then i say no i don't think so and no at this time i don't feel the need and i thank them very much for their time (their time!) and then i feel as if i've done the right thing. i wonder if it's a greater waste of their time and if they'd rather i just said no and walk on so that they can get on to people who might really be interested, but then i always feel that it's indecent to march on without even meeting their eye or smiling and saying i'm sorry i'm in a hurry, because then you're saying they're not worth your consideration or time and it must be a horrible job, being a salesperson and being treated as dangerous nuisances on the streets.but i'm a wimp about these things anyway. i give money without fail to flag sellers and people who play the accordian or the guitar or the harmonica in the orchard underpass. i send donations to nkf and buy cards painted by mouth artists and the only people i can turn away are those who try to sell me hideous soft toys on chains in mosburger or three-pack tissue for a dollar at newton hawker centre, and even then sometimes i buy the tissue anyway because i figure that you can always use tissue. not the toys though; never the toys.

funny my dad and uncles are complaining about getting old too. you can look forward to a senior citizen pass for the bus, i consoled my dad. you get the green seats near the door and your ezlink card will make a different sound and youngsters will give you their seats all the time. what's so bad about being old? you have a garden to tend to and plenty of books to read and half-priced movies on weekdays and additionally you have a fine clever daughter to be the joy of your old age...