alright, it's all fixed up. i am not going to new york anymore. but on either sunday or monday i'm going to take a day excursion to dc, just because i want to go somewhere and it's the one place i can find my way around, and where i can be alone quite happily. amongst other things i would like to go see something in the freer gallery. i can't say why i am so taken by it but i have sat in front of it a few times since i first saw it. i can't even remember what it's called or who painted it though i think it must be dewing. don't ask me about it. i can't explain it. i just know i'm weirdly entranced by it.