have not been out of doors today, despite having a class and an appointment at UHS. had woken up earlier than meant to and was putting last touches to a book report i planned to circulate today and had a severe wave of panic for no good reason, it can't even be that i have a paper due tomorrow, since it is only an 8-page, and i've had ideas rattling around in my brain half the semester, and have already got some ways with the outline and writing. in fact perhaps if i expand everything i have now into proper sentences i might have more than the requisite pages it's just the prose i have to get down. but all i had was an overwhelming feeling of being outside of myself, and a memory of heat and tightness and shaking. afterwards i was so tired and shaken i found some sedatives and went and hid under the bedcovers and just didn't want to go out and face the world. so, trying to write now, and will probably be up through the entire of tonight till noon next. it will be a relief to get one paper in tomorrow and to have a few hours of sleep before starting on the next.