my mother's university classmate is a terminal nasal cancer patient who has, by this time, completely lost his hearing and his power of speech. his family is doing badly financially, and he has been discharged from hospital to die at home. my mother has visited the classmate several times, and has written 42 letters, which is to say, to each and every one of their former classmates in her program, describing her visit, and his condition, and his family's struggle to care for him, asking them to visit, or make a monetary donation, and including, with each letter, card with stamped and addressed envelope so that they will all send cards of well-wishing to the dying friend. she may seem very stern and businesslike (or von keeps saying, formidable) but when she does things like that i think can anyone wonder i am her daughter? and when i look at my father i know how supportive he is because he never asks why she is doing this or say sensible things, as men like to, about whether this is a good idea or how much trouble she is giving herself and shouldn't she be spending her very little time writing her papers? he just sits there calmly helping her paste stamps on envelopes.