su-lin and i are talking about what to do after graduation - i thought i might go to england and wait for her to write her exams and then we could go to prague and amsterdam. or i could go to new york and see if someone can put me up for a week. i want to go to the ballet badly. very badly. mostly though, i'd like to stay in charlottesville for an extra week or two, so that i can use the library and read all the things i ever wanted to. and more besides. poach told me about some good way to ship books home i ought to find out about it. the thing about nohrnberg is that, i always feel - very afraid of him putting me down. or i tend to be - extra sensitive about his opinions. he praises - finished papers but - never when you're doing it, or when you're telling him your ideas - which is discouraging, because after the paper is done i don't need encouragement. nohrnberg can really make me - feel bad about myself - through no fault of his at all - just - one word - hidebound - would spark off endless misery and self-doubt. but i'm just - generally overafraid of having my ideas put down anyway. i'm going for a walk to clear my head.