sometimes it feels as if you're browbeating yourself into something, doesn't it? julian says he is tired, and so am i. i have thought too much and i haven't wanted to discuss it with anyone, giving instead vague reasons i could have given before the trip for my decision, without having even consulted my usual oracles. and of course sometimes you just want to say "stow it all!" and go off to join NIE or the SIF. but so what? i could still say "stow it all!" and go to join NIE afterwards. it's easy to be afraid now; but it isn't too late for NIE later. (oh, and that's supposed to be a comfort?) ah well, one tries.