darryl and minz write a dinner menu

me: if you compose the menu early, i'll write it out in long hand on a card tomorrow.
darryl: i'll do it! i know how to do rustic handwriting!
me: rustic handwriting? let me see...that doesn't look very rustic to me.
darryl: yes it does! it looks like what you'll find chalked on restaurant blackboards.

then we had an argument about the use of serial commas on the menu, but realised that we were both in perfect agreement and it was von's policy on punctuation we disagreed with. darryl says that if he writes the menu in french the problem of the final comma in a series doesn't occur.

(darry decides to use pears instead of figs in his salad)
me: pears? that's troublesome! you'll have to poach them first and it'll take ages.
darryl: no, fresh pears! it would contrast with the richness of the liver! i have tianjin yali!
me: i thought you said this was going to be a french rustic dinner! the french don't eat yali!
darryl: *continuing to write* what's tian jin in french? it's probably the same as the wade-giles.
me: wasn't tianjin once occupied by the french? [googling it] yes they did! oh no, that's also when they burnt yuan ming yuan!
darryl: ah then! we can emphasise the french connection.

darryl: what's yali in english. shall i call it duck pear? duckling pear?
me: can't you just stick a de canard behind the pear? eh! what language are you writing this menu in?
(it turns out darryl was composing an ambitious trilingual menu.)
me: oh i see. what's pear in french.
darryl: poire!
me: what? pois? isn't that peas?
darryl: no, poiRE!
me: *chastened.* right.

me, looking at the chinese menu: eh, why did you put xin in. there's no xin in your salad.
darryl: yes there is. pears and walnuts.
me: xin is not walnut, it's almond!
darryl: oh! what's walnut!
me: hu tao!
darryl: then i'll call it tao!
me: you can't. then they'll think you put peaches in.

me: but chinese menus have artistic names, not descriptive ones! just call it something that captures the mood of your salad.
darryl: what about ying chun guang zha xie?
me: *tears of laughter* that's not even good grammar!

me: oh go on, do it in japanese. joanna will catch you out even if i can't.
darryl: no she can't! her japanese is nearly all gone!