here's a story told at the 1999 primary 5 oratorical contest at my pa's school. it's called "hi shorty how's the view up there." the balloon bit was culled from one of those chicken soup type inspirational books that is always going around, but my pa wrote the rest of it for the speaker who was a very short little boy in his form class who happened also to be the headprefect. j. frois was the class monitor, and chin peng is another bloke in the class.

Hi Shorty, How's the View Up There

"I remember the first day when I took the assembly. I stood up here looking down at everybody trying to look confident and hoping that I would not say or do anything stupid.

Everything went reasonably well. Said the prayer, took the pledge, and I was sure that no one noticed that I was sort of dazed.

I made it through. Everything was going to be all right. What happened next came as a sharp blow. To my pride, that is.

This guy came along and in a jealous, vinegary tone, called out "Hi, Shorty, How's the view up there?"

Shorty...I hate that word! Thereafter I was always Shorty Shawn to him. Then he simplified it to SS. Everytime he sees me he cheerfully calls out: "Hi SS, how's the view up there?"

This really got me hard. Each time I stood up to take the assembly the words would echo in my mind. "Hi, SS, how's the view up there?"

I consulted my good pal Frois to see what action we can take against him.
-- Nothing, Frois said. "Just think positively. When he says SS just imagine he's calling you Smart Shawn, or Super Shawn..."
"Or Sexy Shawn.." chipped in Chin Ping, a fellow prefect who was listening.
"Don't rub it in," I said.

I asked my PE teacher discreetly whether there were any exercises to help me increase my height. She mentioned some exercises I could try but suggested that I let nature take its course. I read books on nutrition to see what diet could help me grow taller.

"Take calcium," Frois advised. "It's good for the bones. Drink lots of milk. There's plenty of calcium in milk."

"Better not," said Chin Ping, who was always around when you don't need him. "Milk makes you fat and soon you might find yourself becoming fat and stumpy. Thenyou wouldn't be Shorty Shawn but Stumpy Shawn.

"Maybe we should get some compensation?" Frois said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean, there should be a law to let us sue our parents for making us too short or too tall, too fat or too thin..."
"Or too stupid like you," I said. "You are no help at all."

"What Frois said is true," Chin Ping said. "You know I read a book about the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. He was a really short guy and felt really frustrated about his height. Who knows, maybe he was nicknamed Shorty? He went about waging wars with other countries and messing up Europe. Taking Napoleon as an example, truly, short people can be very dangerous."

"I've had enough of listening to the two of you," I said. "You be careful. I am short and very dangerous."

Surprisingly my problem was solved in a very strange way

One day, I was at the church fundraising funfair, and there was an old man selling balloons. To attract the crowd of children, he started releasing one balloon after another. First he cut a red balloon which soared into the air. This was followed by a green balloon, and as the children started pointing to the sky he released a blue one. Soon all the three balloons were high up in the sky and the excited children clamoured for more action.

"Sir," said a little boy, "if you sent the black one up would it go as high as the others?"

The balloon man gave the kid an understanding smile. He snapped the string that held the black balloon in place and, as it soared upwards, he said to the boy, "It isn't the colour, son. It's what's inside that makes it rise."

What the balloon man said struck me. "It's what's inside that makes it rise."

"Frois," I said the next day. "I feel wonderful. It's not my height. It's what's inside me that counts."
"What's got into you?" he asked.
"Balloons," I said.

Next time if anybody asked me, "Hi Shorty, how's the view up there, I'm going to say, "The view is pretty good and I feel just great"

(p.s. young shawn didn't win. he bungled his lines halfway.)