i've had 18 meetings with different people in the last 12 days. that is why i'm so tired. but the only real, true thing that has been said to me, by professor x, who knows me well and has real compassion and understanding of the department, who has clout too, was this: an injustice is an injustice. if your previous history had been blameless they could not force this on you, they'd just have to grant the postponement. but even so, you have certain rights as a student here in the graduate school, having been admitted, and those are even above those of the department. dgses come and go. they decide different things. this is not a rule you've run up against, but a particular person's idea of what should be done. you on the other hand will be here for years. do what is right to you, not what any particular dgs wants. look in the mirror and ask yourself what is right for you. you know very well going away is not a good idea. going away is the generic departmental solution to everything. it will not solve your problem. you need small successes, not going away. it won't help you pass this exam any more, and how much can you prepare for it anyway? it's only a comparatively minor obstacle in the whole graduate career, and what's more you still have a semester to complete after coming back. it's a ridiculous time/stage in your career to make a cut. if you must, finish up the following term, and then you don't even have to be in cambridge if you don't want to be. there is no sense in what the department proposes, and it won't help you, and, you know what, you don't have to stay in english if you're really fed up with them. you have the languages, you can transfer to comp lit and work with people like me and professor y and z. and you'll be able to make a fresh start with other people who don't know you in comp lit. you can still work with english people if you want and switching departments is a painless process. . and that is all that i've been thinking to myself, which i was afraid to say aloud because i couldn't be sure i, or anyone, can ever see htemselves clearly, but to have it said by someone like professor x gives me great courage.