to the temple this morning, because it's dong zhi, the winter solstice, although there is no winter here. my grandfather's ashes are interred there. we aren't much of the temple-going kind, except for chinese new year and qingming, my grandfather's deathday is the only other time we go to offer joss sticks, and now that i'm in the states, i have hardly gone. the heavy incense made me want to sneeze, and i have forgotten what to do. most of the other relatives are there already, mom packs me off to light joss sticks, and i come back holding them high above the crowd and glad i'm tall and won't set some ah-soh's sleeve on fire and hoping i don't get poked by anyone's joss sticks either. my parents said again today that they want sea burials because it's too lecheh to have to go to the temple. my dad said that it's simple and you go cleanly that way. lots of chinese parents don't like to talk about death but i'm glad mine do. i'm not sure i'd like to scatter their ashes though. well of course even if we didn't we would definitely not be get a place in a temple: my dad's catholic and my mom doesn't want to be bai4ed, so it's not as if i'd have to go to the temple whether or not they have sea burials, but i would want to keep them close to me. i wonder whether that impulse would override what they wish. i wonder what i want!