oh my darlings i want to be abominably rude to students like sir lancelot spratt! "i'm sir lancelot spratt, the last of the great general surgeons and a law unto myself. you! wipe that grin off your face or you'll end up in one of those jar with a label. stop cackling the rest of you this is a medical school not a damn chicken farm. what's your name, boy? you're welsh aren't you? i'll try not to hold it against you. you'll have to work in this department. it will be slog, slog and more slog! take your dissecting manuals, one to each pair. i shall return anon to see what ghastly mess you have made. it's been a long hard term...for me. for the majority of you horrible nasty young men it's been a term of nonstop debauchery. the way most of you carry on make the kama sutra look like noddy in toyland."

remember how purvis and evans used to be able to insult people in front of the whole class and get away with it. and somehow you didn't really mind even when they said the meanest things like telling 1b our minds were empty slates, that some of us have panglossian attitudes towards our homework, and how they have to read real literature to escape from the rubbish our essays were, and how they're cursed with essays written by spiders out of inkwells. (there's no winning - if i write on every other line purvis tells me to "stop that damned fool nonsense with leaving lines" i'm not in primary school. if i don't leave a line evans complains about having to chop his way through the dark woods of illegibility that grow on the page and slanders my punctuation or lack thereof.

in america teachers have to be polite and approachable and no one stands up when they enter the room. and they can't throw people out of the room or aim chalk at them either. and if they called the class stupid they'd be swamped in complaints whereas at home you just grin and think you deserve it and go on liking the teachers anyway. also i've become meek and mild now, so i can't say mean things to people anymore. oh how ghastly i used to be able to be very sarcastic when i was relief teaching and could bark at people and come back with scathing put downs and send people to the hod's or principal's office. oh dear oh dear. i've become nice.