i wish i didn't have to leave with things in such an inconclusive state - my uncle is better - much better - hold on to that thought! - but still not at a place where i feel i could leave without great misgivings, without fearing each day for a phonecall that might turn everything around. maybe i should have taken a leave of absence and stayed home - they could use me there - in the last week people were falling sick from the strain - and it was all the more important there were others to relieve them - and i hated so leaving - i went to the hospital to say goodbye - aaron and winnie took the kids, and juliet and mike too, everyone was there, gathered around his bed, sitting on chairs or on edge of the roll-in cot, standing against the walls or perched on the edge of his bed - and the kids crawling right into the bed with him and hugging him against the tubing - i suddenly thought if i should die - i want the family around me like that - not in some corner of a foreign field.