more than anything else i'm grateful for the way everyone is responding to my computer crisis. poach came immediately to the rescue immediately after the crash - giving practical suggestions and counselling fortitude - and cindy, yen, su-lin and addy sent the sweetest encouraging notes today each telling me in her own way to keep my chin up and to ignore mean teachers. (i like cindy's note, she said i'll be fine becos i'm zhen cai shi liao! hehe) even my english ta offered to give me a ride to the computer people after class - something i was really surprised and touched by. and bob reeder, needless to say, has been a real brick. and nohrnberg, well, he's been absolutely supportive i cannot be more fortunate to have him as a teacher.

i guess throughout all this i am still - is it unforgiving of me? - i can't stop feeling hurt about milbank's attitude - her lack of sympathy, her open unkindness, and the misunderstanding of my character, the intolerance or ununderstanding of how other people may work, and her failure to perceive how much damage had been done . did she think that - it was a matter of incapacitation - sitting around going, oh well, can't do my work anymore, extension ho! what about hanging on to the phone for ages waiting to speak to a free ibm representative, trying to administer all kinds of home-aid, calling everyone up to borrow setup disks in order to reload xp, going through the yellow pages to find a computer guy, wondering where to take it how long will it take how much will it cost. the frantic writing till 6 in the morning attempting to record what can be remembered before more slips away. taking the laptop to various different people. to say nothing of the emotional distress at the loss of words and the weariness of beginning all over and of time running out just at one's most productive time.

i can forgive - many things - but lack of feeling is not one of them.