i am:

too old to fight past security guards and rush onto stage to canoodle anyone

or to go around with a slingshot and a supply of lacy underwear (and in any case my aim is not very good)

no one else present will do any of that either, as they're all likely to be much older than me, and just as sedate.

i shall simply sit quietly in my seat, like the little old lady i am, and listen and weep.