they were off to get flowers for the funeral when i called - my cousin said, "why don't you do that - get some flowers for uncle" - that's meant, i supposed, to make me feel like i'm taking part and doing something, that i'm still part of what's happening at home, here. being able to do something definite and to make a kind of small memorial here in my room. i don't know what to get - white ones, of course, what though? white orchids? white peonies?