von and minzhi discuss money, property, von's epithets and minzhi's hair.

(discussing the possibility of taking a lease on a townhouse in cambridge owned by a singaporean couple)

me: when you come back to cambridge and if the townhouse is still avail, we could try and get the lease on it cos it's a 2BR and has TWO BATHROOMS so we will not have to share and you can stop complaing abt my hair in the drain!

me: even my old garden street apartment is now more than $850 a month.
von: if you're going to be paying that much anyway, why don't you buy it? that's a mortgage payment right there.
me: how on earth do mortgages and things work?
von: you are completely ridiculous.

[a long interval, during which von explains mortgages and how people buy houses to minz.]

me: i am not ridiculous. i just have no concept of money. neither do my parents! my dad inherited our house, and i'm going to inherit it, and my children will have my house, and if i have no kids i'll leave it to sarah and ariel. easy!
von: you are totally ridiculous
me: owning land is good. i would so totally go and live in a feudal society land entail my property and have peasants! except being me i'd probably have a terrible overseer who is cheating me of my money.
von: leave it to me
me: YOU will be the corrupt overseer!

me: if you're good at money why don't YOU buy it and rent it to me?
von: i don't have enough $ either. please if i rented to you, it wouldn't be worth it to buy.
me: i am good!
von: but you are impecunious.
me: but i pay rent! i always pay rent! that's why i'm impecunious!

von: ok ridiculous woman. let me tell you how the world works.
me: right. i listen humbly
von: people with lots of money...
me: give it away! become philanthropists!get buildings named after them! cut a lot of ribbons!

[another long interval during which von explains how money makes money.]

von: basically lah. the money management industry specializes in taking money and using it to make more money, for which service, the money industry goblins make a hefty chunk of changesince some of the large funds have several billion under management, you can imagine what the hedge funders get paid. me: ooh. but i can't imagine. i'm a bit like a troll. after a million it's all LOTS

(on von, bugging me to call xinyi to find out more about her job)

me: not now lah! anyway she'll say, call me at work for what, just cos your friend von so kaypoh
von: pft
me: she is always accusing me of "your friend joel ah...." so i am not going to have her go "your friend von ah" at me

von: i don't know why people call me "friend von." i am a lion among men and deserving of my own - whatchamacallit - you know - fleet footed achilles...
me: what, epithet
von: epithet yes. DAMMIT
me: your epithet is "your friend ah"
von: no!
me: or "that."
me: as in, "that von ah"
von: it should be something like "sharp-witted" or "awesome"
me: my dad would say your epithet is, hen li hai pian qian! the "hen li hai pian qian von" has a nice ring.
von: good lord. the world has completely misunderstood me

me: i have to go get photo taken for my visa application. i wish i could find some old photos but i've gone and bobbed my hair. i have a straight fringe! like a primary one kid!
von: haha i think they call it the gong kia look.
me: eh don't laugh okay, it's very fashionable nowadays, v retro.
von: pft. fashion. what is it to me?

von: anyway when i come to cambridge you must buy me a lavish dinner.
me: why must i buy you a lavish dinner? you didn't do anythng to get me my apartment, or give me any fashion advice about cutting my fringe!
von: hello, unbeknownst to you i've been calling on all sorts of people to see if they will let you have a place to stay. honestly.
me: it shows that you're not as influential and friend-winning as we thought, if you'd had to ask so many people and work so hard and can't even find me a place to stay.