von appears online and without prefatory remarks hollers at me: pep talk!

me: oh! okay then. you're widely considered to be resourceful and many-turned, and you have the ability to...
von: wait wait wait!
me: what?
von: what?
me: oh, i see. did you mean you wanted to give me a pep talk?
von: well i thought you said you needed one. i mean, i can get one too.
me: oh, right. i always do. okay give me a pep talk.
von: what do you need pepping about?
me: everything!


me: go back to saying nice things about me!
von: you're smart, and candid!
me: candid? but i'm so tactful!
von: pfft!


me: well you've got to admit you're much more successful socially than many of us. although i don't understand why in that case you haven't got your heiress. i'm socially inapt, what's your excuse?
von: i'm just not particularly good at it lah. i fall into the category of the weird person!

me: so on the subject of julian and me, why can't i find a man?
von: because you are too demanding!
me: i'm not demanding! i'm not screening people for marriageability and three kids and hdb flat! i just want casual dating! casual sex! fun and games! flowers!
von: you want casual sex, i hasten to point out, with a person who knows like 12 languages, which is, you must admit, a fine meshed filter.
me: i'm not asking them to have 12 languages! i'm just asking them not to find me repulsive enough to jump into bed with!

me: suffice it to say that you would do quite well on the singapore marriage market. everyone wants a harvard-educated google-jobbed son-in-law!
von: why isn't a harvard phd student eligible? i don't understand this.
me: *gritted teeth* because i'm a woman!

me: eh we must be austenesque and plot and scheme and marry ourselves off!
von: no lah, you should hang on and wait for someone rich and with good taste to show up!
me: right. and you can build us a dining table. and a cot for the baby
von: what baby?
me: the baby that will follow when the rich and tasteful person shows up.