one of my favourite von quotes is the one about how, when he is king, [insert name of enemy] will be first against the wall. which was what i appropriated today when i was talking to bob (about 382) i don't think i'm as unhappy about it as nohrnberg is though. i'm vaguely annoyed with the department, yes, and somewhat regretful for having sabotaged myself, but i'm not disappointed per se, because i now know how the thesis itself, on its own merits, had been received. and this state of affairs i've got myself into isn't very different from all the things i do do to trip myself up. (von says dammit woman you're a genius you just have to quit shooting yourself in the foot.) besides which, now i can go around harbouring a grudge and explaining that i was disqualified on a technicality. aha. but nohrnberg is still very disappointed, i can tell - he jokes about it - but he does care - for instance, he mentioned it to everybody he talked to today at the english reception - adding that i was his last chance to show off before he retired, and i went and ruined it for him. i actually feel bad about that. i would like to have done something to make him proud before i leave. (what has the man done for you? everything, dammit. what have you done for him? nothing.) and that the reason i didn't was a completely stupid, rebellious one too - if i had known it would have any impact on that i would have written those damn papers and gone to class a little more, but too late. oh well. there's only hoping for becoming the queen of the literary world and having the dmp committee against the wall, of course.