i don't think i can write anymore. i've been fortunate most of my life in that what i want to do also happens to be what i'm good at. but when i cease to be good at it, what else is left? all of you are much more talented and resourceful and multidimensional than i. words are my livelihood, and words are also what i live by. so that if i do not have words - then i am not myself. and i am not myself now.