denis is very sweet - i wrote him a listless email two days ago - telling him i am too tired of trying to subdue and soothe my demons (and of searching - for words - to steady - myself - and - needing - to cling - to words - from anyone - )

be a lifeline of words, i asked of him.

be a lifetime of words, he answered.

ah - they can always soothe me - the ones who will affirm that living and writing are synonymous - that this lifetime we hold on to words - and hold out words. the tacit acknowledgement that they are all we have - and all we can give anyone.

(more accurately - three things can we ever give anyone: absence, words and eyes)

addy, i remember, wrote me the sweetest assuring mail in the same vein once - asserting that we cannot be lost if we are willing to search through words -

it is merely that i am tired now -