i don't know that i can stand having children of my own, but i do think i'll make a decent adopted aunt to someone one day. i really think that i am better with young people. not children of course, but people of high school age, undergraduates. i'm withdrawn and slightly uneasy with contemporaries. i'm more comfortable with my elders, but am either deferential or impertinent to them as the case may be (or sometimes excessively petulant if i'm cross with them.) but on the whole i get on well with young people. they automatically turn on, in me, a mixture of big sisterly concern, supportive interest, and mild affectionate indulgence. i become much chattier, and i laugh more, conscious, in part, of playing a role as i tell stories about my many peccadilloes in school to amuse and encourage and tease. i am full of sensible and very real advice (naturally i have got lots of sensible advice; they were all the things i didn't do.) and dispense book recommendations and academic suggestions. i listen, and whereas i occasionally quarrel with my friends on matters of principle with young people i am never shocked or quarrelsome or disapproving - having done quite a lot of those terrible things myself. even some of my shortcomings become strengths - the tendency to silence, being slow-witted - they help me really listen and really think about what they're telling me, and i've noticed that even my voice changes - drops to a much lower pitch, becomes softer, rounder, and i start to enunciate (i'm usually slightly shrill when i'm not being very mumbly and losing syllables everywhere.)

being around young people, students particularly, helps me get myself together, be someone who is together. whenever i host visiting students, or talk to people at university fairs, or help people with their college application, i feel as if i am a different person. i think teaching will be good for me. even when it was only at serangoon secondary - no bright sparks there, but working on classroom management and lesson planning and even learning to wing it gave me tremendous confidence. i really must get cp and su-lin to give me NIE tips. (i like cp and his recent "wait time" tactic (is that what they call it at NIE?) which i gather is to continue looking blandly at a student and tricking them into talking themselves into agreement with you. on the other hand that one doesn't work on me. klee did that during history 7 tutes and i would just stare back (and not amiably either) at him until he gave up and turned to someone else.