still, don't misunderstand me. although i've been weepy and shattered and exhausted, and have been very irritable and self-pitying and angry on this blog today, i truly am not ungrateful for the lovely birthday wishes from everyone. such as this wonderful email from yvonne, who wrote to wish me:

"Health, and peace, and happiness - dancing joy - the spirit to endure, to find voice, to be quiet when you need to. Much love, and connections, and good books and warm circles of friends and conversation. Good food, improbably beautiful flowers, bright dinner parties, travel, home, scintillatingly beautiful papers which display your ideas to their best advantage, persuasive and intelligent and penetrating comments in seminars, good classes, inspiring teachers."

*beam*