haven't been blogging all day because nothing i have to say is fit for blogging, not even on the depressive one. am lightheaded, haven't eaten a thing till von showed up with his cake and peaches, made myself dinner and then looked at it and couldn't eat it, which was just what i did yesterday with the ochazuke and the day before with the udon. feeling cold dread and trying to not get weepy. von came over earlier to pretend to fix my table. took a look at the allen key and said i'd worn down the corners no wonder it wouldn't turn woman get a new one already. brought some of his stewed peaches and also left me cookies and told me not to eat them all in one night (i didn't) then he went off to a christmas party then he went off to a christmas party after administering hugs and peptalks (unsuccessful, but appreciated) and may come back again tonight to try again. and mostly just feeling paralysed. and now i will go and crawl under the covers and breathe slowly and positive-think and whatever else that might help, count sheeps or tapdancing rats or something.