Third Encyclical from His Grand High Priestness

Vaughn:
The Grand High Priest's Table
The Grand High Priest's Chambers
The Grand High Priest's Castle
The Citadel on the Stump

A recent Ministry of Home Affairs circular has erroneously reported some details regarding the immensely popular and environmentally-conscious Cult of Von, to wit:

1)The presence of a garbage dump/ incineration site on the grounds of the Citadel on the Stump (16, West Coast Road, donations welcomed). For this hideous slander and misinformation of the public, the Cult of Von demands monetary recompense, to the sum of 80 billion dollars.

2) Allegations have also been made to the effect that the Grand High Priest of the Cult of Von is a pompous megalomaniac. This is patently untrue. The Grand High Priest is a notoriously good, kind and generous person, well-known for his humble nature. To compensate him for the trauma of this blot upon his character, the Grand High Priest demands monetary compensation, 80 billion dollars worth, to be precise. If this is not delivered promptly, he will BLOW UP THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

3) The circular also contained an accusation leveled at the Citadel. The Cult wishes to make it clear that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is the Citadel to be considered an 'architectural form'. It is, as is well known to Cultists the world over, an art work.

4) The Ministry has also committed breach of trust in naming the Museum for Frogs, Toads and Other Amphibians as being a qualified centre for the reception, testing, deacidification and encapsulation of green frogs. It is well-known that the ostensibly 'expert' team at the 'Museum' is nothing more than a bunch of Historical Society members led by a chronically unpunctual Japanese pseudo-scholar and an iconoclastic Chinese 'creative writer'. The Citadel on the Stump possesses this miserable country's only truly qualified and accredited green frog specialist.

The Cult hopes that this encyclical will banish all doubt from the minds of cultists and cause the horrible truth about the Ministry of Home Affairs to come to light.

May the Supreme Being smile benevolently on all who pay him.

Hellfire and damnation to all who don't

The Everlasting One
The Grand High Priest
The Cult of Von
for The Supreme Being



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