Poofus:
Her Most Imperial Majesty
Required of all Her Majesty's loyal subjects the weekly tributes which they owe unto Her Most Imperial Person.
Her Imperial Majesty Notes with great sadness the recent, futile secession of the self-styled Encyclopaedia Salesman. Her Majesty wishes to inform him that the number of encyclicals he distributes has no correlation to the taxes he pays. Furthermore, Her Majesty would also like him to note that the title of "Grand High Priest" is not one recognized by Her Majesty's Imperial Civil Service. The Imperial Civil Service would like to confirm that if no such title exists, anyone found proclaiming himself/herself/itself as an unrecognized title-holder is liable to be disembowelled and fed to the ducks.
The Imperial Civil Service would like to advise the Encyclopaedia Salesman to purchase the title of "Grand Inquisitor of the Third Rubbish Chute Down the East Corridor" for a small sum of $180 billion-- a price chosen because the Encyclopaedia Salesman seems inordinately fond of the number. He will be then granted numerous privileges, including the janitorship and responsibility over the said rubbish chute. It is a rare honour. There are only 240 rubbish chutes in the Imperial Palace. Other perks include a residence on the flagstone outside the chute-- a definite selling point, being an upgrade of residence from the tree stump-cum- rubbish dump he presently dwells in. When it rains, he also gets to use the swimming pools forming around him. Although it is not explicitly permitted, the management will turn a blind eye to small thefts of loose rubbish that sticks on the sides of the chute. In the spirit of compassion, we realise that everyone has to eat something or other.
All other subjects of the Empire are required to pay $1.50 for administrative fees.
Her Imperial Majesty would like to remind subjects that the Imperial Examinations are coming up. Successful candidates will be able to aspire to a fulfilling career in the Imperial Civil Service.
On behalf of Her Most Imperial Majesty,
Imperial Edict II
Empress Dorinda
the Most Magnanimous Empress Dorinda WM
Archchancellor Poofus.
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