fitzie:

dorinda u slut!
i am fitzie n i dun no any mouse exept peepiceek n he loves tt name n we love su-lin n we dun love u n i would never blast su-lin n wot's a uzi anyway n e elephant wil sit on u n we all hate u so there!
i suggest u kil jy becoz he dozn't luv u or he wldn't try to foist u of on us n he is obviously v ungrateful so tel mz to kil him 2 n mz su-lin does chek mail n i would tell her 2 anyway wen i read such scandalous things so go n die with jy.
n i am not a slug i am a turtle only i donated my shell 2 make gui lin gao.
love fitzie (n peepiceek n elephant3)


To Lady Dorinda

Peepiceek:

peepiceek, by gift of god, by prescription, by election and by love, third lord of the room of su-lin and custodian over the tissue-box, to lady dorinda, sometime minion of lim jianyi and self-styled guardian of mine love, greeting.
for to prevent the effusion of blood, effected by uzi, dagger or pin, from the nasal passages or otherwise, it is my pleasure to venture my mouse in salutation of your most dastardly mouse. your lady is twice guilty of treachery, to the honour of the lord jianyi and in the venturing of the most abhominable, bloody and unnatural murder of our lady su-lin.
only realise such a creature as yourself brings shame upon all keepers of the magnets and bearers of the woodstrip tails. if your shameful behaviour must persist, myself and mine shall be forced to divest your lady of the same.

Vaughn:

peepiceek, your prose is verbose and cluttered. it bristles with misallocated subjects and tautology. inverted syntax is one thing, but incomprehensibility is another altogether.

Content: 2/10
Grammar: 3/10
Spelling: 1/10

Total: 6/30

learn to capitalise properly

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