Elephant3:
Dearest Dorinda,
Dearest Elephant3,
P.S. Try to win over the other two for this enterprise. If they wish to tell on you, apply the butterknife to their jugulars.
consider dorinda's nom de plume: it involves a subtle but nevertheless heinous logical error.
dorinda is a mistress of the night. it is common knowledge that mistresses of the night never go out in the sun, being allergic to ultraviolet rays. ergo, mistresses of the night cannot tan. ergo, mistresses of the night cannot be dark. ergo, DORINDA IS A FAKE! A FAKE MISTRESS OF THE NIGHT!
Hello from Elephant3
Sweet mouse, forgive me for startling you with the impetuosity of my sentiments but I must confess I love you, I love you and I can't bear for you not to know. Forget the unfeeling fitzwilliam and the vulgar Peepiceek. Though you lacerated my heart by neglecting me in your previous proposals, you know true happiness lies in my arms alone. I love your furry ears and your lithe body and your darling tail and the very core of your magnetic soul. Do accept me for I was traumatised early in life when Jianyi stuffed me down Choon Ping's PE shirt and if I go out and start a riot due to your neglect no judge will let me off for I've had no education. No one loves me, Su-Lin only talks to the unfeeling fitzwilliam and the vulgar Peepiceek. I am deeply unhappy because she has just found Fledge the butterfly and I know she won't notice if I'm gone anyway. They all have names but me. No one likes me.
elephant3
Dorinda:
You are the ally I have been searching for all these years!
I love you indeed, but you must prove the sincerity, and the violence of your affection for me. This can only be done by exercising a little forbearance and remaining in Sulin the Amorous Puppy's asphyxiating clutches for a little while longer.
Here's the plan. When Sulin is sleeping one night, go to the kitchen, get the butter knife, and stab her to death with it. Saw off her ears! Put chopsticks up her nostrils! Stuff broccoli into her ears! Let cheese ooze from every orifice!
Do not be infirm of purpose! Never let your dagger sway. It must be firm, fast and sharp. With one fell swoop, swoop on Sulin and fell her!
After the deed is done, use the abovementioned butter knife to divorce her head from her neck, and deliver it to me, on a silver platter. Remember to pack a lot of ice.
Only then, when mine enemy lies slain at my feet, when I can gaily chew off her eyelids and put coins in her eyes, when I can make my bed in her hair, only THEN can we consider ourselves a happy pair.
Mwahahahaha,
Princess Dorinda
Dark Mistress of Night.
P.P.S. We can also begin thinking of a name for you.
P.P.P.S. Squish the butterfly. Or butter it with the butterknife. Whichever is more painful.
P.P.P.P.S. Remember to bathe regularly and change your underwear everyday.
P.P.P.P.P.S. Kill Mr Evans, if convenient.
Vaughn:
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